3.5 years later.

1,277 days

Every single day we wake up and start our day. Every single day I remember how you are not a phone call away, a walk down the hall, or a 36 minute drive to the station. I remember everyday how you will not be here in the kitchen making your coffee and watching the news. I remember how you will not be going to work today or coming home tomorrow. Every morning I feel my heart break again as I remember you are not coming home. Grief has taught me many lessons that are useful everyday or only useful in certain situations. Mostly what grief has showed me is how you can love someone so much and it will not ever bring them back. You can cry and pray and beg for that person to come home, to walk through the door one more time. 

You were the most amazing, complicated, handsome, loving, selfless, beautiful soul. 

Goodbyes do not mean forever except in our case. When I walked out that front door and said goodbye daddy I love you see you Friday. That was our last goodbye. The last time I hugged you and said I was going to miss you was the last time. The last time you waved and watched me go down the street was our last. If I would have known that was our last goodbye I would have hugged you a little tighter and stayed by your side a little longer.

You made me a promise years ago, “ nobody will hurt you  ever baby I love you I will do anything to protect you kaylie I love you” you kept your promise until your last breath. Every decision you ever made, you thought how it would affect me. 

I love you daddy, 3.5 years later I realized that the gravity of your loss shows how much we loved you here on earth. I don’t think there will ever be anyone that will compare to you in this lifetime. Toni loved you with her whole being as she found you in the second grade. She lost her person and I don’t think she will ever be okay until you are reunited in heaven. Your tyrone misses you as he laid with you on March 25th 2021 until you were taken away from him. I miss you, I miss your gentle smile and your big heart that loved so deeply even when people hurt you. The hands that worked everyday to make a life. The kind eyes that you could just tell you were tired. Most of all the big arms that I held onto when I was scared or to run to because I missed you. I love you daddy, until we meet again.